[We thank user @farmose (formerly @fad_albert) for recapping last night's show. -Ed.]

Saturday, July 22, approx 2:30pm, the Pavilion at Star Lake. Suspect was apprehended and taken into custody with the aid of three plain clothes Hanover PD officers and two K-9 units. The charge? Pennsylvania Penal Code 4419: Attempt to distribute counterfeit merchandise. Apparently Miss Stamatis found it funny to print 100 t-shirts that read, “Let Phish Suck Ass,” following their ill-fated tour stop in Wilmington, NC. But anyone offended by her crude humor can heartily laugh now that she’s spending what should be her 175th show locked in a metal cage with a wooden plank for a bed, tripping her tits off.

So why am I addressing you all on her behalf? Because I traditionally have Saturday nights off duty and Miss Stamatis was kind enough to furnish me with her ticket on the auspices that I’d fulfill her obligation to review the concert. A quick stop to the evidence locker and I’m ready for my first time seeing The Phish.

The sun wasn’t even setting when the Phish came out onstage. From the top of the lawn I had a surveillance-tower-view of the audience. Buncha freaks! Barefoot longhairs in their pajamas wearing rainbow fishing hats.

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